And, no, not like that Staind song.
haha

Man, I haven't been on devART in *forever*.
I had loads of deviations and messages [mainly journals, you see] to go through. [[dies]]

I owe people - I know, I know.

Shoot me and go through my art books and find said pic. oweage.
What?
I'm not making any sense.

But honestly, I haven't finished anything I've started and I have no idea why.
However, I am feeling very, er, artistic lately and let us hope that does not fade!
But, anyway, I'll make myself do it this weekend [only time I have to do anything anymore [fucking work & school]]. So. Muchos sorryness. Especially to the great Brumbster who should have hanged me by now with all my delaying and no results.

_sleep_

useless is what i feel
its like everywhere around me people are happy
talking
communicating
but i'm stuck in here
all alone
with nothing to do for hours upon hours
it feels like i am the one in the cell instead
useless!
i want to quit this whole thing
i'm not allowed though
i wont survuve if i leave
because i wont have anything at all
i want what those people outside
that door have
interaction

truly
this is the most lonely i have
ever
been



haha. how emo is that shit?
I'm sooooo frickin' bored.
Stuck in this cold office and I can't leave until 6:30.
forty minutes to go.
yes, i do want another job.
i think i've been here a month and i absolutely hate it here.
i don't see anybody, all alone like i said up there. its shit.
they restored my favorite restaurant in town and its opening up soon, and there's another one i could work at here too. and then the next town over i could go and work with my friends as a waitress.
they all sound so appealing.
i need conversation! i'm sitting here typing to myself right now though ugh

thirty nine minutes to go
oh god i need to stop looking at that clock

i've got defensive driving
joy

hmm
my friends kim & leslie are twins and their birthday was on the third. i haven't bought them anything. actually, i haven't in two or three years. i dont know why. i hope they dont get me anything!
my birthday is in eight days.
we're going to have a bonfire and food and s'mores and stuff.
's bday is the 22nd
finally - we are all seventeen
hell yes
the movies are gonna so rock, totally dude.

i plan on going to the renaissance festival in texas this year.
it's so fun. but haven't been in two years.
it's going to be my big giftish kind of thing to my friend maria, who is turning 16
this renaissance lasts eight weeks, each weekend having a theme.
i want to go on the 12 and 13 of october. it's the fantasy one - like wizards, Elves, faeries, and such.
i am an Elf this year so i want to show off for the right people haha
i want them to take pictures of me again lol!

thirty minutes

maria's birthday is on the twenty fifth but she's having her party on the twentieth for some reason i cant remember.
it is going to be a cross between halloween party and a birthday party which means
COSTUMES!
yayy
we decided that the two of us would be superheroes.
i told her to be supergirl because her little cousin is coming and he loves superman, so we figured mel & steve [his mom and dad] would dress him as superman.
but haha
he is going to be batman
and i was already going to be batgirl
mel and steve are gonna be superheroes too
that's so awesome
i love those people haha
i hope everybody comes in costume. and i hope alot of people show up.
she's inviting pretty much everybody haha
it's gonna be so cool
all this crazy shit's gonna happen
awesome

so we were at party city monday and this guy pretty much offered me this acting job thing.
i'm not really sure what's going on with that actually haha
it was kind of out of nowhere but it would be sooo awesome
i just dont know where i would find the time
or if i should do it at all. seems kind of sketchy to me even though he's completely serious about it.
do you guys think i could pull off a fallen angel? haha i do. i just didn't want to be a demon.
he was cool to talk to, in person and on the phone. he's a japanese kimbo teacher guy - with swords and all.
he pieces armor together.
real fucking armor.
he knew who azazel was and that was the best thing ever. that totally made my day.
so i believe him and everything its just, idk, seems like something is going to happen and its all going to disappear

we saw bourne supremacy on monday.
so fucking great.
damn i love matt damon.
and that music at the end of the bourne movies.
i want it as a ringtone. really!
if you havent seen it yet, here's what you need to do:
practice holding your breath - it's intense and i found myself doing that alot
go to the bathroom before it starts - cause you are going to want to piss yourself when its over haha
get loads of popcorn - well, that's just necessary
and there - you are set to watch bourne find out a whole bunch of crazy new shit.
just two words: car crash.

ahhh twenty minutessss
i wonder where my dad is
i'll probably go hang with him for a minute or two before he leaves
ooh, he's so lucky that he gets to leave before me this week.
ugh.

oh yeah. defensive driving.
i asked this guy in my class what it's like and he was all "basically, you sit next to a crackhead, watch a film on driving, then at the end you answer ten common sense questions and bam, you've passed"
i was staring at him, like uh, no way! that's so fucking easy.
i thought they were going to like, idk, analyze me during a drive or something.
i'll take the crackheads anytime as long as it makes my fine go down haha

i'm buying a swiftkill figurine from for thirty dollars
it's so beautiful
swift's expression is fantastic
i can't wait until the comic is printed and i get the figurine
BBA is one of two comics that i actually follow, so that's pretty cool to get swag for it

fourteen minutessssss

i think i am going to get a facebook.
i read this article thing on it in time and it seems better than myspace
my friend told me that too, but i haven't checked it out yet
i hope ^^^ that friend got my letter. he's in egypt see.
so even though i've only known him during the summer, i've gotta have contact with him still. but i'm so impatient with this overseas shipping thing lol

eeeeeeleven minutes
working at a prison is weird. people think it would be cool, and i dont try to convince them otherwise until they ask me what i actually do here, and then all my hatred for an office job comes up and they know its boring.
dun everr work in an office, people.
it sucks the life out of you.
i wish i got paid a salary thing instead of hourly.
$6.20 is awesome but, honestly, i'd rather have fun than have money.
i'll regret saying that later on, but it's the truth.

there's this concert called dogg jam held in texas over the past few years and i really wanted to go last year because every band that was playing i knew.
didnt go, but a lot of people in my class did so i atleast got to hear about it. which... sucked lol
ah would've been so awesome
anyway. now i'm not saying that they are a horrible band, just saying that i'm not all that excited about these people being the headliner band for doggjam.
it's Korn.
Some other bands are Droid, Five Finger Death punch, Hell Yeah.
okay, i have no idea who those first two are and i dont really like Hell Yeah.
all these other bands names sound like rockers from Hell, old men in leather with motorcycles. especially hell yeah. - how fucking hick/country can you get with a name like that.
it's a rock concert.
i want real rock music that i knoooooow. -_-
they have yet to announce one last band - either because they themselves dont know who it is, or they are just doing it to have suspense. but hopefully i like them because i would love to go to a real concert.
nothing against willie nelson, but his concert sucked. all these tatted up, fat, middle aged people with lighters and ass cracks showing were there. those kind of people make me sick - so lazy and dont have a life. help me think of a word for these people, mmk?

three minutess

anything else?
hmm...
i made a list today of things i have to buy or pay off.
hopefully that all works out.
and a list of things i wanted [the heroes season one DVD fo sho]
and a list of things i need to start doing. i haven't washed or vaccuumed my SUV in ever since we bought it two months ago - never actually haha
ew
i'll do that saturday definitely.
it's all muddy anyway.
and i am going to organize all the files and pictures and music on my laptop so stuff doesn't get lost. because that sucks.
i still have to find my scanner software. *sigh*

okay.
leaving work.
going home.
yay!!!

so happy.
aight later you one fool who will actually read this whole thing ahahaha

Are we going to get hit by yet another hurricane this year?
I hope not.
But this year, I'll be on my own. My mom swears she's staying home "just because", my dad has to because of his duty to the prison... and even though I work there too, I'm leaving.
I'm packing my computer, clothes, and my dog into my Explorer [the two door sport kind ] and following my friend's family to Longview, Texas - just getting out of Louisiana again.
Oh man.
It kind of sucks, seeing as how New Orleans doesn't have a great defense up yet. I mean, two years later and we're unprotected? You'd think someone would have put that three layer step into action by now, you know?

Mmm. I love Dr. Pepper. All we have is diet drinks and water in the school machines now, and diet Dr. Pepper is nothing in comparison to the real thing. I'm drinking some right now thanks to Jordy letting me raid the Warden's office refrigerator. haha

It's wierd working here in this prison. It is a "correctional center" - like rehab for prisoners instead of them just staying here because they are just being incarcerated. Yep.
This guy died yesterday, an hour and a half after I got into work. I think he held the record for being here the longest, like a bit more than fifty years. Either that, or he was the oldest prisoner here. Something like that.
Oh, man. There's this guy and his first name is "Nicotine" and I laugh every time I do his files.
And there's a dwarf here. Aw, huh? Well, yeah, you wanna think that... but he probably cut somebody's throat out because they said that thought outloud. LOL just kidding. Don't know what he did.
I killed and then fixed the paper shredder machine about an hour ago haha
I thought I was a goner yesterday. This guy that I've known my whole life works out here and he's kind of an ass anyway, but out here it's like crazy with him. Like I told , if I am chummy with you outside of work, then I will be inside too. Just because he's a million ranks about me [hah, because I don't even have a rank! just a student worker.] doesn't mean I am going to treat him any differently out here. He said something to me, I told him to shut up, just kidding you know? And he got all serious and stuff. And before I knew it I was like "You've got a huge ego out here, don't you?"
o m g.
Yeah. I couldn't believe I said that. And he just kind of shutup for a second, then started nagging me again. lol
So, for a split second I thought he was going to freakin' [[somehow]] get me fired. But nah. I'd beat the shit out of his scrawny ass and get dad to kick him off of our property. [[not really, but it's a thought]]

Anyway.
I want to go somewhere.
Two weeks into school and I'm already feeling the anxiety and depression come on. I can't stand it there. Another friend of mine is going to this school in Natchitoches, La. and it's really awesome. I'd love to go there. New faces and a much better town. Millions of coffee shops to hang out at, and the one that has the most awesome squishy chairs ever has wireless internet. It was really fun that day.
So, yay for Payton.

is a pirate, and I am a ninja.
Harry and the Potters and all the other wizard rock bands are freaking cool.
Wrock On.

Things you should know before you read this like the title lol
- I just started reading the Harry Potter series two days ago.
- I used to give him advice about stuff, especially girls.
- If you think I overreacted, tell me. I won't get mad at you. He has been asking for it though.
- He has never read any of the HP books.
- This all started with a text from this boy that said "go look at myspace comment oh and sorry i had to"
- I don't know if he was lying about the seventh book or not, and PLEASE don't tell me.
- This is REALLY long, thanks to my comments back to him.
- My myspace is myspace.com/artemes
- His is myspace.com/brotherwillet
- - - - - - -
Okay.
Here goes.

Alex:
Ok who is Harries friend who cant ever do anything right. anyway in the last book he kills voldamart not harry. oh and the reason harry lived when Vold tried to kill him it was because of a spell, that worked off his parents love, and them dying for him.
Please dont hate me. any questions about any of the books?

Cai:
If you are telling me the truth, I will kill you.
What the fuck, Alex?
I specifically asked everybody NOT to say anything about the last book.
There is a reason for that: I want to find out for myself!
That is the whole point of READING a fucking series to a book.
Don't tell me if it was the truth or not. Or I will block you. I swear it, Alex.

Alex:
Damn girl.

Cai:
Well, god Alex.
How can you expect me to not be mad?
What if I told you the ending to this movie you were watching that you really liked?
I would have ruined it for you just like you have seemingly done for me now.

Alex:
Well true, but for sake of arguement every movie ends in the same way.
And wat book are you on. By now you should have realized wat kind of writer she is.

No.
No. Alex, every movie or book does not end the same way.
And I'm on the fucking THIRD book.
Four AWAY from the seventh.
But I don't see why that matters.
If I were on the seventh, do you know how much more pissed I would be?
What do you mean by "By now you should have realized wat kind of writer she is."?
NO. That isn't true!
Nobody knew if Voldemort or Harry was going to die or how and if... just alot of other things.
Did somebody fucking FORCE you with a gun to the head or something?
No. At the end of that text you said "sorry i had to"
What the fuck ever, Alex.

Alex:
Ok. you win. and i was just wandering which book.
If your on the third book then you should be able to see who is going to do wat by the end, the only thing you cant no by now is how or when. but you can tell if read deep in the book, how the writer sees things and how she looks at things.

Cai:
No, I do not win.
And you don't either.
You didn't answer my question.
WHY did you tell me?
No one forced you so WHY?
Oh, you're so wrong.
People have been analyzing and picking apart the first six to know what happens in the seventh.
A lot of them were surprised as they all had different theories and such.
This means that even those hardcore fans [meaning they are bigger fans than even me] had no idea what was coming.
How would you EVEN fucking know, Alex?
You don't read the damn books.
What the hell is your excuse?
Did you do it just because I asked everybody not to? To piss me off? Because, obviously, you have succeeded.

Alex:
Ok i have senn every movie so far, and i got that from the movie's, come on. shit i almost did it again, went and told you about the 5th movie. i put two and five together and got seven. so then i borrowed the book read the last couple of chapters a found out i was right.
And i did it to see wat type of person you truely are, which leads back to a comment you made.

Cai:
To find what kind of person I was...
What?
What freaking comment did I make that makes YOU think you even had the right to do this?
I know it is only a book, but fine. If you want to play it that way.
The VERY first thing I sentence on my profile is pretty much begging people not to tell what happens in Deathly Hallows.
Obviously, I have found out what kind of person you are by this stupid act on your half.
I have seen the fifth movie already.
I know Sirius dies, and I know Dumbledore dies in Halfblood Prince.
Just incase you want to try and ruin that for me too.

Alex:
Certain people are the way they are and I clash with alot of people. [The mere fact that she took what you said so far is stupid to me.]

Cai:
That IS completely different.
Honestly.
Do you have any brains?
Do you know what it is like to be a fan?
Say for a sports team...
Those people are totally loyal to their team.
Telling me what happens in the last book is very much equivalent to killing the star player to a sports' team.
There are other ways of finding out how a person really feels or thinks.
Upsetting them is not the way to go.
Ask me anything that is about my personality and my motives, and I would have been truthful.
I am not like those people who say one thing and do another.
When I said that in that message, I meant it.
I do clash with people. ALOT of people. Kara is one of them.
It's not her fault that I am that way.
I only had one side of the story: yours. So I believed you. There could have been more that you said that you didn't tell me. I would have never known, and now I don't care.
Here's some of that advice that you like so much, Alex:
- Stop being a dick.
- It is MYSPACE. You will never know what kind of person someone REALLY is unless you call them or meet them in person or something!
Honestly, that's the stupidest excuse I have EVER heard.
- Stop trying to cover up your mistakes with that kind of bullshit also. That will not get you anywhere in life.
- When somebody asks you not to tell them something, do not tell them. They have asked you this out of some level of trust that you would not do it in the first place.
- Wise up. Girls aren't as stupid and innocent as boys like you think. Even the younger girls now.
I hope you enjoyed my fucking advice, as this will be the last time you get any. Next time, go to your barbie girl friends who are robots underneath all that beauty and ask them what to do. I'm sure they will have the right answers for you. Not.
I will tell your little friends who may read your comments and then comment or message me about how I overreacted to fuck off.
It is nobody else's business and t [[[i think it got cut off and i don't know what i said]]]

Alex:
let me tell ya there truely is something wrong with me, and my brains have been shot by drugs and alcohol. i didnt do that that to see wat type of person your were, im just an asshole, so ya, ask my ex, ask kara. and your right.

Cai:
I know I was.
Stay off of the drugs, stop drinking.
Goodbye, Alex.
I am not helping you anymore.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

And so... he is now blocked. Just like I said I would in the bulletin I later posted.
As you can tell, this upset me a great deal.
But now I'm not mad anymore.
Just at him is all.
So. If somebody ruins the book for you, come get me. I'll hurt them.



Holy shit. I could absolutely kill myself.
I accidently linked an icon to this journal and some people read it.
I DID say there was a possible spoiler, so now I'll just make that bigger. But shit. I should have paid closer attention and not copied the wrong link [[I have tabs so I just clicked on the other site and thought it was copied... food is distracting fuckfuckfuck]] So I guess that's why I copied this one instead.
Now I have to hurt myself after doing this. - Dobby style - Head in the oven!!
**ifeelsostupid**

Oh man. I love that show.

Go here! :::
That's pics from my trip to Nevada and California and stuff around there.
'tis nicee

I haven't drawn much lately.
It sucks.
Everything ends up looking like crap.

Oh. I got in a wreck. Apparently it was my fault. Damn these traffic lights.
A real pain in the neck... if you know what I mean.
hahaa